‘Better to experience new things with an old partner than old things with a new one.’
Couples coaching knows that lasting partnerships need tangible love despite time constraints.
Where are you in the rhythm of love? Do you manage to live a deep intimacy in the exchange of body, soul and spirit as you did at the beginning of your love, or do you focus on withdrawal, offence and drama? Over the years, you may be caught up in the general organisation of life that building a partnership, community and family inevitably requires. Or have important shared values and goals such as honesty without masks and pressure to conform, truthfulness towards yourself and your partner, fresh air for equal closeness and autonomy been lost along the way and become unbalanced or even disappeared altogether? Love suffers when there is a lack of time and the partnership is taken for granted or even becomes a disposable object.
The couple coaching, based near Bonn, focuses on conscious resource-rich relationship work, personal growth of each partner and the balance between closeness and autonomy in face-to-face or online sessions. Exercises and instructions on self-reflection, responsibility, appreciation, trust, mutual support, disputes and conflicts as opportunities for growth, authenticity and a fulfilling sexuality make the work pleasantly gentle and varied at the same time. A lively and fulfilling sexuality is not only an expression of physical closeness, but often also reflects the emotional state and emotional differentiation of the couple's relationship. Be courageous and face the state of your love so that it can grow.
Couples coaching in Bonn or online helps couples to become aware of their individual and shared love and conflict dynamics and to place the relationship on a joyful and sustainably happy basis that enables personal and shared growth.
Couples coaching near Bonn or online helps couples to become aware of their individual and shared love and conflict dynamics and to put their relationship on a joyful and sustainably happy footing that enables personal and mutual growth.
Couples coaching recommends: Arguing and reconciling in love or separating gracefully
Fundamental dissatisfaction with a partner or in the couple relationship indicates that there may be something fundamentally wrong and that there is too much or too little self-confidence, self-criticism or self-doubt.
Depending on how your personalities are ‘moulded’ and how you are used to dealing with the baggage from your childhood and life history,
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the partners offer themselves as a scapegoat or make the other person into one
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act and behave predominantly depressively or aggressively, argue passively or actively, manipulatively out of too much adaptation or projectively out of too much assertiveness and influence. The point is to have more courage for self-reflection and personal contribution than to become entangled in destructive, unholy arguments in the microcosm of the couple.
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Instead of waging war, the couple learns to enter into dialogue with each other and to recognise that destructive arguments between partners are ultimately arguments between injured children or siblings.
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The old patterns of grievance are dissolved and new patterns of dialogue are practised, because there are other ways to argue in a meaningful way.
A new culture of conflict does not begin with tedious, endless arguments about who is right and continued blaming of the other person, but with self-reflection and the processing of one's own hurt and destructively hurtful parts in the presence of the partner, so that both learn to better understand their conflict and love dynamics together. The Gordian knot with its entanglements and lashings can then be untangled when the partners recognise that both are ‘victims and perpetrators’. However, if too many grievances have arisen, feelings have grown cold and other attachments have developed, a dignified separation by way of an inner divorce is appropriate. In both cases, through genuine forgiveness or a real inner separation, the souls can breathe more freely again, the protective strategies can be recognised as such in themselves and love is given the chance to blossom again and in a different depth.
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Couples coaching recommends
Maturation through learning through you.
Pent-up feelings such as deep disappointment, anger at the other person, fear, shame and guilt should never be ignored in the sense of ‘sponge over it and start again’. These feelings need to be expressed. If the couple succeeds in leaving the world of harsh criticism and destructiveness, malicious reproaches, accusations and hurtful, hurtful arguments through processes in couple coaching in Bonn or online, it will initially be difficult and sometimes arduous, it takes strength to do shadow work and to overcome oneself. Looking for your own contribution, admitting your own mistakes and asking for forgiveness frees you and makes room for something new.
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Because everyone may have acted unfairly from time to time, held back and withheld love, misused the other person for their own purposes, been secretive and possibly also dishonest and unfaithful. Asking forgiveness for these contributions to the failure or even partial failure of the relationship requires courage and self-conquest and paves the way for real learning through the other person. The ‘learning through you’ happens continuously when we live in relationship. You learn something about yourself in your relationship with the other person, about how you deal with arguments, conflicts and crises, about your way of being a partner. You also learn in every contact and in the smallest communication which partner style you tend towards, whether you prefer to adapt, tend to dominate, hold yourself back strongly with your feelings or, conversely, whether they regularly send you into emotional chaos. Consider your insights: what have you learnt about yourself so far through your love, your relationship? What do you not dare to do for fear of closeness, of losing control, of dependency? Genuine transformative questions: who am I without you? What did we want to achieve together and where are we now? How can I make you happy and what else do I want to experience with you? All of these questions lead to inner growth processes that enable a deepening of love and gratitude for the time we have spent together.
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‘Chacun sera vainqueur.’ ‘Everyone will be victorious.’ Paul Eluard, The Face of Peace
More freedom and love in the partnership through resonance energy
Life Coaching Online:
At the beginning of a couple coaching session, we ensure that the dialogue is condensed. This is a concrete approach from Michael Cöllen's couple synthesis, intimate dialogue via
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‘5 dialogue pillars’, namely the body dialogue, the emotional dialogue, the language dialogue, the meaning dialogue and the time dialogue. The deeper the wounds from mutual degradation and insults in the relationship and marriage war, the deeper all the dialogue pillars lie on the ground. The good news is that couples coaching can unerringly raise one pillar of dialogue back up, and then the others can also be revived. Living all the pillars creates real intimacy. When all pillars are actively lived, the dialogue becomes deeper and more intense. Being connected in trust from the heart is similar to the descriptions of mystical-spiritual experiences. Strong resonance energy arises, which makes us happy, creates inner rejoicing and creates deep meaning that heals us and enables us to act ethically. Lovers can correct their course, look at each other's faults and weaknesses more lovingly and accept themselves better. Disputants calm down more quickly and seekers begin to discover what it means to support each other as development workers.
In couples coaching in Bonn or online, we win the race against injury loops with their destructive gradient by activating self-healing powers. The partners no longer deal with their deficits, weaknesses, mistakes and blockages by accusing each other, but instead strengthen their search for joint further development and unfolding by entering into vibration and dialogue with each other, even about difficult topics. The healing gradient then has a stronger effect than the destructive gradient, sometimes a race against time. This process resembles an inner transformation of thinking and feeling habits. Respecting each other with dignity actually enables a different and perhaps new passion for each other that lasts. More freedom and love arise in the partnership and each of the two can find themselves in the other through this kind of exchange of body, soul and spirit.
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My couple coaching service is based near Bonn and is also available online from many other cities in German and English - initial meetings can be conveniently conducted online, couple coaching sessions are recommended in between in presence, can also be conducted online if the technical equipment is so good that web conferences can be conducted comfortably for three, so that I can accompany you wherever you are on your way to more love in your partnership.
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